>> Sunday, May 22, 2005

~ i lost ~
haizz..just got back from cell..yala just now the match i lost..but i concede defeat. i got thrashed. haha..i had gone through wins n losses before n today's match,i feel tat i deserved the lost. its like..those players probably trained for days for the competition n if i think i can stand a chance n win them after a day of playing could win them..haha its a joke. anyway i nv felt tat way before..wanted to join for experience as everyone noe..im very competitive..haha..well so i lost. im not afraid or embarrassed to say it out. seriously. i alrdy saw it coming..but actually..the thing tat hurts out of today is not the defeat. its the disappointed faces i see. haizz..i really feel "ashamed" over it..ITS SERIOUsLY NOT THE DEFEAT. im serious. when i look at some of their eyes..i chld tell tat they think im having some unhappiness of the lost..but im not. and i did not wanted to say y..coz it hurts alot..its when i was playing..i saw their faces..its like..their..aiya dun wanna say..its just..sad la..i really feel tat i let them down actually..ITS NOT THE DEFEAT. ITS THE DISAPPOINTMENT I SEE. tats wat tat is troubling me now..i just feel..tat they came n support..n to let them see tis..its not exactly gonna be a good ending if u noe wat i mean..i just feel tat i let them down la..i went cell..gave my all in answering questions n thankfully He was with me and i managed to feel Him..thankfully..but i was still burdened n kept thinkin of the eyes i saw..its like..haizz..they dunno wat to say about it. neither do i. i just hope..tat if theres a chance, i make sure i wont disappoint u guys k? i really appreciate u guys for coming..i wouldnt mind nor care tat much if only mann accompanied me..coz i only have to account to her..but when 6 of my good friends were around..i totally dunno how to face them..they say its ok..but i noe they are are not ok about it n nor think im ok about it. jo even called n say dun worry bout the loss and bla bla n i was like.."how long do u noe me? would i? what would rachel do when she had a loss?" haizz..look guys..i just felt i disapppointed u guys n made u go through a wasted trip. its not tat i did not like the fact tat i lost. im explaining to u guys now..coz i dun have the courage to tell to u guys face to face tat i let u guys down coz i noe u guys whld think tat its an excuse tat the fact is im actually sad over the lost instead of sad over letting u guys down. haizz..i hope things stay as it is and the competition did nothing to affect our feelings..im still thankful tat u guys came and..God bless coz i still believe i will do better coz.. phillipians 4:13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. hehe okies. once again, i let u guys down..but i promise tat ur support wont go to waste. i love u guys..bye

>> walk in the light

> Rachel Ng
> 19 Feb 1991
> Christian
> Bedok View Sec
> Netball.
> short but nevertheless high self esteem!- imee.

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