>> Tuesday, April 11, 2006

i did not go school today.. coz i spent the night crying to myself and so i couldnt wake up this morning to go school..

oh ya PLMGS shooter called us SORE LOSERS in her blog. eat shit la. u know how many freaking fouls ur players made on the match? u know how many or not? kau u shld thank God alot for even letting ur team to draw with us la kau. bv netball standard was so much more better that day and a win was more deserved than a draw. but its in the past and we are God's children so i dun wanna say more. apparently there are people scolding her in her blog alrdy so i think thats a thing acceptable alrdy.

anyways i lightened up alot after reading my tagboard. it really feels great to see a team of great girls always cheering and encouraging one another all the time. i love u guys so much. i dread the day where they have to leave.. becoz life is not going well too either for me. they are like the main people i look forward to school each day.. people where i can find laughter and no worries at all. really. with serena, jason they all. the 2e1's.. there was always restrictions to things and busying with own lives and all.. with myron they all is always lan lan and bowling. but haha its boardgame next time. anyway its fun too esp with joseph.. but with jo, imee and shear.. things kinda deterioate between me n jo and i only see shear n imee once a week. and since my relationship with all of them are wavering.. i really dun wanna see the netballers go as i really find comfort when with them. HAHA so emo. i bet the netballers u all nv realise i rank u guys so importantly in my heart right. but anyways.. one of the reasons i cried yty was that everyone im close with is either leaving or just simply turning bad. haiz..

well yty i msg jo again.. i msg. its always me making first move.. yet again, she didnt reply me shortly or simply scolded me. last time i msg saying tat my frens called her bf ugly in a joking manner but she simply scolded me rude and said bye. haizz.. last time whatever i do, she will take it in a funny way and laugh it off. now its like as long as my name appears in her hp, she finds it irritating.. finding fault with whatever i say or do like im a thorn in her flesh alrdy.. so different from the past.. then i got so affected i started crying to myself.. jo also went "im sleeping now." like telling me to f off.. i dunno why but after all we used to be best frens and i really dun like the way she changed.. maybe she thinks its my fault. im too sensitive.. whatever. upper class people are always like tat.. shearen and imee. im sorry. i tried. i really tried. i dun care whose side u guys taking but anyway im sure u all think its my mostly my fault coz u all might think i have a temper. but really to jo, i dont always flare up only in front of u two i do. i dunno but to me fights are quite funny and thrilling sometimes when we go out together. haha.. but then i really wanna say tat i really tried to contain my anger. i really did. i really really did control and relax.. whatever reply jo gave, i did swallow my pride and relax about it. i really tried. hope we remain friends always and dun let me n jo affect us k.

yty night i cried and cried.. ok dont think i cried like WAAAAAAA SOMEONE DIED but i just simply keep tearing. becoz now tat me and jo are no longer the same, netballers gonna leave at the end of this year and my brother joseph might quit the job in lan shop anytime from now and i dun have anyone to turn to anymore. i dun share stuff with my school frens coz it feels wrong. lol. today i spent the whole day listening to joseph stories and advise and consolation. his really understanding and good. i was telling him bout me and jo and then he explained to me about him and his ex girl. when it rains he will drop a msg telling her to bring an umbrella. when she's sick he makes sure a cup filled with water is next to her so she doesnt have to move around and able to last till he gets back. he will always do her laundry and cook for her without any prompts and do everything willingly.. even though he knows she will nv go back to him. and that whatever he does for her now is actually plain useless and worthless to her. he knows tat. he said that guys and girls are the same. once you heart turn against the person, whatever he or she does its all plain annoying to that person alrdy. i guess tats what jo feels towards me now.. and she did admit it some time ago. haha wad a best fren.

anyway plz dun get the wrong idea of jo. she's really nice too but maybe its just me tat she has a different behaviour towards. jo's a good person.. but a lil bias. but she's really fun and unique to hang out with.. yty night i prayed for angels to camp around her hs for blessings on her and her family. im sure she received it. and so.. i guess i wont do anything for her alrdy.. i'll try.

and so i went shopping to make myself feel better. im out of job but brother joseph provides for me and DONT WORRY. his not my next boss. he really treats me like a sister. i bought a billabong wallet/purse from 77th street worth 27.90. a new pair of new balance sports shoes for 99 dollars. not bad la.. im satisfied. haha and so.. oh ya wanna thank mariam for defending me on court as she told her opponent that she really disliked the way the gs and ga were treating me. haha thx! and also to my netbal team who has been tremendously encouraging. i really appreciated the group hug! and so.. guys take care ^^^^^^

>> walk in the light

> Rachel Ng
> 19 Feb 1991
> Christian
> Bedok View Sec
> Netball.
> short but nevertheless high self esteem!- imee.

>> running after

>> how great is

Xinyi,
Hanies,
Serena,
Mann
Wei Ling,
Jo,
Abby,
Xiang Luan,
Shearen,
Beverly,
June,
Imee,
Kayan,
Richny,
Yan Jun,
Eunice,
Emerlyn,
Sophia,
Mariam,
Shireen,
Four of them,
Jiahui,
Shafiqah,
Joan,
Try,
Charlotte,
Ngiam,
Donna,
Eileen,
Sheena,
Grace,
Gino,
Daniel,
Zhi Hao,
Sherlynn,
Darren,

>> look back

>> stand before You now

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