>> Wednesday, February 21, 2007

rachel you must always set your priorities right

i hear these words so many effing times that i got fed up as i feel i know best what should be first for myself. but now i have come to realised that i was wrong. so FUCKING WRONG. why? because my priority is wrong all these while. my priority was you guys. YOU GUYS. THE ONES I SEE EVERY SINGLE DAY. YES, YOU GUYS. what is it you all want? why cant you all decide on one thing? why cant you all see whats in front of you? fuck i feel so effing shitted out ok.


i just came back from indonesia. had the WORST 16TH BIRTHDAY EVER. where no one cares whether is it 19 feb or not. and my mother being a complete bitch about it still even on that day itself. and had to go through a 2 hour boat trip home, followed by lugging of luggages through customs and into taxi where i can finally rest. then lugging of luggages up home again. then downstairs to rush to a handphone shop to fix my effing phone. then a money changer to exchange my rupiahs. then to an atm to deposit all my money.

and i received a call to go meet some of my friends. despite my weariness from a long day i still decided to go meet them. even though common test is tmr but since those "friends" were studying and said they were waiting for me, therefore i decided to kill two birds with one stone. so i went home and get my books and get changed, argued with my parents quite a bit as i just got home and now leaving to meet my friends at 9 o clock, walked to effing east coast park and looked for effing number 15 bbq pit, walked around somemore and decided to call. WOW those friends have decided to go mcdonalds for a meal.

first of all, my phone rang 20 times when i got it fixed. those 20 rings were from different people wishing me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. how sweet of them. oh my god, my heart broke. NONE of them, YES NONE, were from you guys. YES MY PRIORITY. none of them were wishes from you guys. i had a voicemail from one of them at 11.43pm at 19 feb itself. not 18 feb. 19 feb. thats y i had to wonder WHY.

second, i got false hopes thinking that "wow! i actually had friends waiting for my return at east coast." delightfully yet painfully rejected the moment i got there.
me:eh where you guys?
.: dont tell you le. eh why you not at home studying? go study la
me:quick la. where you all now
.:we in east coast. why you not at home studying?
me:aiya i also in east coast alrdy. how come you all not at pit 15.
.: huh we at mcdonalds
me: why you all in mcdonalds?? i thought you all studying at piy 15?
.: no we go alrdy.
me: huh? but ****** say you all waiting for me in pit 15 while studying. and i go find you all now in mcdonalds to study also the same what.
.: huh nola. we eat in mcdonalds then go home alrdy. aiya you go home study la.
me: ok then i go home alrdy
.: ya ok bye bye

FUCK. firstly you guys called me saying you all waiting for me in pit 15 while studying as my void deck too small to hold you guys. next i rushed there and i get the feeling of "why the hell is he like chasing me off? keep telling me to go home when they said they were waiting for me to reach singapore? if you had the good intention of wanting me to study in the first place at home because of common test, why firstly you call me to say you guys waiting for me, secondly when aware that im coming to meet you guys, you guys go over mcdonalds when i was going over that very minute. thirdly, not apologising yet telling me to go straight home when i have reached. im not a effing robot ok. im tired YET i came to meet you all. then my birthday also not a single message from you all. even darren was going crazy about rushing to indonesia to celebrate my birthday. you guys cant even drop a message. referring to MANY of you guys coz none of you ALL did. you ALL did not. the whole cohort of you.

I ALSO HAVEN HAD MY EFFING DINNER AND I WENT TO MEET YOU ALL. happy go mcdonalds and have your own meal. fuck. tired and depressed. more i think about it, the more i feel like crying. im surprised i have not. i doubt i will. coz all that happened was just me making a mistake. me making a mistake of caring so much about you guys.

if this blog entry has caused myself a birthday celebration to be put to risk, i dont care. you guys celebrate my birthday well and fun every year. it is postponed this year as im away in indonesia. so if this entry has caused some distance between you guys and i, so be it. coz im too depressed to say or worry other stuff now, much less study for social studies test tmr. im just gonna sleep and fail coz i dont care. because you guys, ONCE AGAIN disappointed me greatly. yes thats me, emotional rachel. once again being depressed because her friends have let her down once again. when will she start getting depressed over something else? i wonder.

>> walk in the light

> Rachel Ng
> 19 Feb 1991
> Christian
> Bedok View Sec
> Netball.
> short but nevertheless high self esteem!- imee.

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